Sometimes I forget……..

that I am the writer of my own script……or the captain of my own ship, as my teacher Deb Schubert, used to say.  I forget that I am the one in charge of my thoughts, my beliefs, my interpretations, my perceptions.  In fact I get complete amnesia!! 

This happened to me just last week.  A thought came into my head.  A thought that did not make me feel good about myself or my life.  Rather than questioning this thought and asking, “Is this thought REALLY true?”  or becoming curious and asking “What is this thought REALLY about?  Where did this thought come from?” I just started to spin a great story (the worst- case -scenario- kind- of -story)  around that one single thought……that one thread.  And before long, I had a jumbled, tangled ball of uncomfortable thoughts and feelings running inside of me.  Not a pretty sight.  Not a place where I feel empowered, insightful, creative or wise.  And I had “done” it all to myself in just a few short moments!!  Instead I felt disempowered, sad and hopeless…….I had completely forgotten everything that I had learned  in the last many years through reading, my teachers and self study.

I used to believe that if a thought came into my head it was true.  I never questioned my thoughts.  I didn’t know that was even an option.  And so if some thoughts came in that took me into a downward spiral, I didn’t know that I could CONSCIOUSLY choose to question those thoughts and then choose more empowering thoughts. 

Every day we  do this.  We choose our attitudes.  We choose to interpret a certain experience a certain way.  We have our own perceptions.  But they are all based on PAST experiences.  We took a past experience and then chose thoughts, attitudes, interpretations and perceptions ALL BASED ON PERHAPS JUST ONE EXPERIENCE!!  That is really quite amazing.  But that is what we do or have done. 

Now we get to choose anew.  We get to create new thoughts, new beliefs, new perceptions, new interpretations that create a  much kinder world for ourselves.  In this world we have greater access to deeper insight, creativity, clarity along with greater peace and joy.

But on that particular day I forgot all of this.  It doesn’t feel good to live in that world of negative thoughts and it doesn’t accomplish anything worthwhile.  In the past, I could have been mired in this place for days and then slowly would have risen out of it.  Luckily, within a few hours, I started to remember.  “Oh, YES, is this thought really true?”  “How is thought serving me to live in the world in a way that I desire?”  And within a short time, my spirit began to lift again…….I had remembered a greater truth.  I am the writer of my own script.  I can choose what I want to focus on.  I can choose a higher interpretation.  I can choose to be in trust that something bigger is going on that I don’t see yet.  I can choose to be in gratitude for what is.  And when I make these choices, that is what I begin to see in the world and in my experiences. 

I realize that when I begin to spin, that I am not in trust nor appreciation.  I fall into doubt and into the energy of a victim.  These are not places that I want to spend much time in.

I was happy that I remembered! 

Will I forget again?  Oh, sure.  I will.  But I also know that I will remember. 

Next week I will write about a positive way that we can use these dark moments to catapult us into something we truly desire!

Til then, here’s to remembering, as quickly as we can!  Melanie