“Ignore those that make you fearful and sad, that degrade you back towards disease and death.” ~Rumi
A few days ago I shared this image on Facebook. I had a student who posted this comment.
“I love this, Melanie… but, I get confused with the gray area of being selfish. Where is the line drawn?”
This is a question I receive quite often when people begin to do self growth work. Suddenly the emphasis is on THEM. I am asking them to make decisions that feel right inside their own body, mind and spirit. Decisions that appear to put themselves in front of others. This can feel very disconcerting if they have not done this before.
It is a good question though and does take some discernment.
Here are some questions to ask yourself in any situation:
- “How do I value myself in this situation?”
- “Is this decision/choice serving me or not?
- How is this decision/choice serving me or not?”
- Am I growing in this situation?
- Am I feeling fulfilled in this situation?
Often we are afraid to ask ourselves the question because we are afraid of what the answer might be.
We need to discern if an answer is coming from the frightened part of our self or from our higher wisdom. One answer will keep us stuck, spinning or settling and the other will move us forward.
We get to choose. We will know if the choice is correct because we will feel more internal freedom (even if we also feel afraid) or we will feel like a part of us is being put in prison or dying a little every day.
It’s not that we don’t know, it is because we are afraid to know.
There is a time to stay put and walk through the fire with the people in your life and transform the situation from your current place. There is a time to walk away knowing you have done or given what you can and the higher choice is to walk away.
If we do not value ourselves others will not. “We teach others how to treat/love us”. As we make decisions that value our selves, we are teaching others that they can also do that.
Selfish? On first glance a choice may appear selfish. When we make a choice for ourselves others may also need to change and transform. What I have seen from this is that in the bigger picture everyone benefits over time. We move towards becoming stronger more honest human beings. We become authentic knowing what is truth for us and what is not. We teach others how to follow the guidance of their own hearts.
Every day we get to choose where we spend our time and who we spend it with.
Here is the gem, the pearl within. When we make choices from an authentic, clear place inside ourselves, over time that decision will become a blessing for all.
So here is the question again: “I love this, Melanie… but, I get confused with the gray area of being selfish. Where is the line drawn?”
The line drawn is when you are giving from a place that depletes you. The line is drawn when you go to bed feeling resentful and empty. The line is drawn when your soul cries out for more……….whatever more may look like for you.
May we find the courage to choose to value our selves and to support those around us as they make powerful choices as well. That is what will move the world forward.
Much love and many blessings to us all……….melaniej
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