Our Relationship to our Emotions

Today I am going to talk about our relationship with our emotions.    As humans, we are emotional beings.  We are capable of feeling many emotions each day.  In fact we are usually feeling many emotions at the same time……..one or two will just be in the forefront.  Other emotions are sitting on the backburner causing that underlying anxiety, urgency etc.

There are some emotions that we enjoy and we want more of……..joy, contentment, harmony, peace, etc.  There are other emotions that are uncomfortable.  They are painful to feel and often  we do not know what to do with them……..when we are feeling them or if we are experiencing someone else feeling and expressing them. 

We have typically learned how to deal with and express our emotions from our families.  If you had emotionally mature parents/caregivers, consider yourself fortuanate.  You probably have little trouble navigating the emotional terrain, be it smooth or bumpy. 

  Many of us did not grow up with such models, however.  Often there was one parent who was “the angry parent”.  Or perhaps there was the “depressed parent”.  We could have been raised by “the critical parent” or “the judgemental parent”. 

 If we grew up with “the angry parent” we may still be walking on eggshells waiting for that angry outburst.    We may shy away from confrontation.  We may be unable to think in the presence of anger.  We may fear our own anger as we know how hurtful and damaging it was when we were on the receiving end of it.   If we did experience angry outbursts as a child  we may now have angry outbursts ourselves leaving us feeling guilty, confused and exhausted.

  If we grew up with “the depressed parent”, we may go into “hopelessness” when life challenges us.  “What is the use”,  “life isn’t fair”, “nothing ever turns out for me” are some thoughts that may run through our minds  when difficult times come along.  The flip side could be to have developed a “Pollyanna”  personality.  Where you pretend that nothing ever bothers you and you present an even keeled, sunny outlook to everyone around you.  You may be able to maintain this facade to the outside world and then go home and blast your partner or children.  You may even be able to hold it at home but eventually the body will then begin to speak to you in uncomfortable ways. 

Emotions need to be expressed and moved as the energy that they are.   The challenge is to learn to work with and express our emotions in a healthy, mature manner.  

This week I suggest that you begin to observe your relationship with your emotions.  Are you in touch with them?  Can you identify what you are feeling?  Do you try and shut your feelings down? Do you over re-act when you feel something?   Do you know how to express and move through your emotions in a healthy manner?

Next week I am going to talk more about this relationship.  I will give you some ideas of how to develop a more mature relationship with your emotions and give you some tools of how to move through them (or allow them to move through you) without causing greater damage.

Life lovingly presents many opportunities for us to practice feeling our emotions.  We then can choose how we express and move through them.  As we heal and release our own emotional wounding we will find it easier to move through our emotions with grace.

Have a wonderful week!  Blessings, Melanie

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