The word failure brings up feelings of regret, shame, embarrassment. It conjures up thoughts of “I’m stupid!” “I never get it right.” “Why do I even try?” “See, I knew it wouldn’t work out.” etc.
Failure gives us a feeling of having done something wrong. We have the thought that if we had just done it “differently” we would have “succeeded”.
At least the traditional description or perspective of failure…
I have a different take on things.
I do not believe in failure.
I believe it is all just an experience. If we do something this way, we have this experience. If we decide to make a different choice, we have that experience.
No failure, just experiences.
Experiences give us information. From the experience that we just had (where in the past we may have labeled as a “failure”) we can just explore the information we received from it. The information that came to us in the form of feelings, a sense of accomplishment or not, of moving us away from or towards our desires and intentions, etc. From the information gained from the EXPERIENCE we now have a clearer idea of how to navigate from here.
A college friend found out about my divorce several years after it had occurred. She wrote me a note that said, “I am sorry that your marriage failed.”
WOW!!! FAILED??? Really??? Hardly. Two great children, years of wonderful memories and shared experiences, deep love and respect for each other, learning so much about ourselves and children and relationships and the world……failure?? No. Just a completion of one part of our lives lived in a certain way.
I often have students or clients begin to talk about where they have “failed” in their lives. I gently invite them to begin to look at this experience in their life with new eyes. That it was an experience they had and that they gained valuable information about themselves and how they want to proceed forward NOW with what they know. I see them soften and a sense of relief washes over them as they consider this new perspective……
So now take some time and look at where have you labeled a part of your life a failure. Can you go back and look at differently? Can you just see it for the experience that it was and glean what you learned from it? Can you have more compassion for yourself and realize that you did the best you could with what you knew at that time? Can you see how valuable that experience was? That with that information you were able to make different choices that continued to take you forward in your life?
Let me know your thoughts……….m
I gave up believing in failure a while back… however, reading this prompted me to consider whether or not I harbor some “failure memories/beliefs”. Through this consideration I realized I still have some past experiences that reside in my mind under the failure column. Thanks for prompting me to do a bit of house cleaning and to free myself of that, Mel. Your wisdom is appreciated!
Cool!! always good to do more house cleaning and become even MORE joyful!! Thanks for the comment, Liz!! When will I see you again?
I have worked through my failures that held me back soo many years Life is short I am all for experiences.. Give me a open door I will enter.
Taking your classes have opened up my eyes also.
Thanks for your experiences that have brought you where you are.. Offering being positive and encouraging others to finding our inner selves,and how important and special we each are.
Blessings JAN SCHROEDER
Melanie, I read some of this to my focus group in the mental health facility where I work. They really liked it and it provoked a lot of conversation. You are making a difference to a lot of people!! Thank you! (I hope you don”t mind that I shared)
no, i am THRILLED that you shared it and that you have now told me about it!! thank you SOOOO much!! m