I saw the truth of this so clearly last week as I was working with clients. We “expect” something to be a certain way and when it is not we feel disappointed and we suffer.
We seem to have a narrow view of what can make us happy.
I see it at the Sun Moon Yoga Studios as well. A student feels he/she needs a certain teacher or a certain class to have a good yoga experience. If we are truly practicing our yoga we don’t “need” a certain person or class to dive into our practice.
We see this in relationships all the time. We expect our spouses to fulfill us. We expect our children to fulfill us. We expect our jobs to fulfill us. We expect our habits to fulfill us.
When was the last time someone “expected” something from you? How did that feel? Light? Joyful? Carefree?
Or did you feel some dread or resentment?
Byron Katie says, “When we do not accept what is we suffer. But only 100 % of the time.”
It may be time to open yourself up to “more”. It may be time to learn to fill yourself up.
Where are you expecting something that is not showing up? Perhaps it is your expectation in itself that is blocking it!
I remember one time I had come home from college with a friend on a whim (she wanted to see the farm) for just a quick 2 hour visit. My mom was so happy to see me and said it was fabulous to have a 2 hour surprise visit from me! It warmed my heart and I wished that I could have stayed and spent more time with her.
My Dad got a very pouty look on his face and said in a guilt producing voice, “Oh, we just get 2 hours of your time and now you are going to go and spend the rest of your time with your friends. Why did you even bother to stop?”
I felt so angry and thought, “well, NEXT time I won’t even stop to see you AT ALL!!!”
That is what expectation can do.
“An expectation is a pre-meditated resentment.” Al Anon
When we want (expect) a friend, a partner, a child, a sibling to be something they are not or do something WE think they should do, it will breed resentment. Not a great connection builder.
It seems like expectation should have a brighter side to it. I think it can if we “wear it lightly”. If we think (expect) XYZ HAS to happen in order to have a good day we may end up disappointed. If we have a variety of experiences that we want (expect) to occur in the day but are open to what Life brings to us, we may be delightfully surprised at the end of the day.
We never know the gifts of what Life brings to us. But we have to be open to receive them.
The greatest gifts often come to us in surprise packages. But if we are holding on to tightly to what we “expect” we might not even see them or feel the value of what is right there.
Where are you suffering because of your expectations? If you are, then it is a call to fill your OWN life up!! We become so single minded at where joy can come into our lives. There are 6 billion people on the planet and an infinite variety of experiences and encounters that can occur at any given moment.
But we must be open to receive.
The ironic twist is this. Once we can surrender and just be with what is……….the thing that we wanted often shows up.
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