This is the 2nd agreement as taught by Don Miguel Ruiz in his book “The Four Agreements”. I wrote on the first one last week “Be Impeccable with Your Word” which touched many readers. How did your week go as you held this in your awareness? You can go to my blog archives to read if you have not yet. These 4 agreements are “simple” but not “easy”……..like all of life’s deepest truths.
When we begin to practice “Don’t Take Anything Personally” we keep our mind on the thought that nothing others do is because of us. What I do at any given time is because of what is going on inside of ME not you. If I get angry with someone who cuts in front of me on the highway, it is not about them but was just something that triggered my unresolved anger. We tend to project our own insecurities, fears and doubts onto those around us. It is very easy to know what a person holds in their mind because that is what they will judge, criticize and ridicule others about. You can learn about YOURSELF as you notice what you say and think about others.
When we take things personally, we feel hurt, rejected, offended in some way. We want to defend ourselves. As we take on this agreement we can simply observe what has been said but not take it into our own psyches or bodies. We know that what has been said is more about the person who spoke it than it is about us.
Notice your own patterns of speaking. When you are happy and feeling successful you probably speak with greater loving kindness about people and the world around you. Then a day comes and you may be tired, hungry and you feel irritable. Suddenly the people that you had such warm feelings about are causing you to feel irritable and cranky! One day they were “great” and the next they were “annoying”!! On the days we feel “good” we project warm, fuzzy words and energy and on the days we feel “bad” we project our own irritations onto those around us. Or they do it to us.
If someone insults you and you do feel offended it is because you are “agreeing” with them. If you do feel offended, it is because they have bumped into an old belief of yours that says “You are right, I am that way.” So it is not so much that they said it, it is because it already existed inside of you and you feel afraid that they have found you out!
Within this concept we begin to develop a deeper trust and relationship with ourselves. We need to learn to trust ourselves and make ourselves responsible for our own actions. When we truly embrace this principle we no longer fear ridicule, rejection or criticism. We know who we are. Nothing outside of us can sway us. If it does touch us, we have the strength and confidence to create any needed shift…….inside ourselves.
Again, I love your feedback! However, I will not take it personally if no one responds:) Blessings, Melanie
Recently Curt called to my attention that my stomach is sticking out as far as my breasts. He said it scares him that I’m not taking care of myself. This type of comment is an old, old very hurtful tape. It hurts and shames me to the core. I am very aware that even though my weight is not changing my stomach is increasing. I have been trying to ignore it and accept and love myself in spite of it. Now that I’ve been called on it I feel resentful towards him, I feel ugly and unattractive and I feel defeated. The words that rang true to me in your message is that I need to take responsiblity for my actions…and heed the words in the rest of the paragraph. That’s the only way I will feel empowered. Your wise comments please.