The practices of the 5th chakra, visshuda, are two fold……..honest speech and clear listening. We will just be looking at developing honest expression this week.
If you were raised in a home where you were encouraged to express your deep wants, needs and desires, you are ahead of the game. If you had the emotional support to learn about and express your emotions honestly and clearly, you are ahead the game.
This is not about blaming our parents. They probably did not have this kind of support in their upbringing either. Probably less than they offered you. But you may have missed learning this very important center…….vital for authentic relationships and health.
Now we have the opportunity to open this center and get the energy moving by learning to express ourselves honestly.
Why is this so difficult? To tell someone else how you honestly feel in the moment?
We may be afraid of offending them, of being shunned by them or of being punished.
But not being honest will begin to dampen your connection/intimacy with another. Your energy will go to masking your true feelings rather than expressing them.
I did not have this skill. I did not even know that it was ok to tell someone what i really felt about something he or she had said or done. I would just swallow it and hope that time would erase it.
I have learned differently over the years. I have learned how deeply important it is to share with those close to me when I have felt hurt. It takes me a few hours to sort out what I am feeling but then I know that I have a responsibility to myself and to the relationship to be honest. Is it still scary and a bit difficult for me? Yes, but much less……and I have reaped the rewards of keeping my connections strong and clear.
When I realized that all I am doing is sharing MY feelings about a certain situation it became easier. It is not about blaming another but sharing how I felt. When I am triggered it is usually based on something in the past. Because I knew this, I didn’t think it was helpful to share with the person in front of me in the present. This damaged my relationships in the present. If i could have shared my feelings from my point of view without blame it would have benefited everyone involved.
Sometimes we have very hard lessons to learn.
When we take on this practice, we stay with the “I felt……when………” NOT, “YOU made me feel…….”
When we do not have emotional honesty or transparency in our relationships the unexpressed emotions will come out sideways and we will experience more of a passive aggressive behavior from ourselves.
This week your practice will be to have “that conversation”. The one that is keeping you in a loop and preventing a deeper connection. Remember this is not about the blame game. This is about speaking about what you are feeling and simply sharing that with the other person involved. They may or may not give you the response that you desire but the more important piece is that you have spoken your truth. You will feel a sense of vitality return to you………a sense of empowerment.
One more tip. Give yourself some time to be centered and clear about what you want to express. Identify what you felt but keep it simple. You do not have to go into any complex rationalization about it. Simply share what you felt.
As was said in “We bought a Zoo.”…………..Benjamin Mee: “You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.”
Next week we will talk about the power of becoming a deep and clear listener…….
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